July 28, 2017
Today was the first day in a while that I decided to meditate. I looked through my diary yesterday, and remembered the numerous posts in 2014 in which I discussed my meditation experiences, some esoteric thoughts, and my pondering on the nature of reality. I also recently started watching a YouTuber called Mouthy Buddha, who I enjoy listening to immensely. While I still do those things sans meditation, I know that meditation is a great thing to do, I really missed it, and I feel that by neglecting meditating, I’ve been neglecting a part of myself. This blog is called Run.Lift.Breathe. for a reason. Mental health is just as important as physical health.
I decided to try something new and listen to nature tracks in the background as opposed to listening to the sounds in my house. It consisted of birds chirping, a waterfall running, and felt incredibly relaxing. I’ll post a link to it in the bottom of this post. To ease back into meditation, I set a timer for ten minutes, sat down, and closed my eyes. I first noticed how hard the ground was, and it took about a minute to make myself comfortable.
One thing I wanted to take note of were my expectations and how I had to break away from them. I was used to delving straight into the insane colors, the flashing before my eyes, the sensation of my body growing and shrinking all at once. But it had been months since I last meditated, around six months, I believe. I reminded myself to let go and allow whatever will happen, or won’t happen to just be. Towards the last few minutes, when I finally calmed down in entirety and my body was rather relaxed, I saw dark red/purple circles spreading outwards in my mind. I remembered that to see what I want to see, I have to be calm and willing to view it.
Another thing I noticed was how slowly time passed. I only had my timer set for ten minutes, but it felt like fifteen, or maybe twenty. I found myself getting restless, I even imagined my phone vibrating, To my dismay, I opened my eyes fifteen seconds before the alarm went off because I even thought my timer must have not been set. My paranoia, although funny in the moment, disturbs me a tad while writing this reflective post. I definitely need to reclaim my patience, relaxation, and separation from my cell phone I’m not a huge social media person, either, so this did surprise me.
While sitting down, I fell in love with the nature sounds and wished I lived somewhere closer to the countryside and not in the suburbs. I wanted to be in the woods, but it’s a very far walk from my house and today is a hot Summer day. On one ear, I heard the music of nature, and on the other, the hum of our second refrigerator. I thought about those opposing sounds while meditating, and it made me think about the modern person like myself, caught between two worlds, essentially. While I do go on runs outside, it doesn’t exactly feel like I am outside, it’s just a different environment within a suburb. But when I’m in the forest, near a lake, somewhere where there are less people and more trees, I feel incredibly happy. It’s like the color green. I only like looking at green on plants. When I see it printed on shirts, or jeans, or shoes, I don’t like it at all. I hope that comparison makes sense.
That’s about all I have to say for today.